The symptoms and side effects of substance misuse might have contributed to you lashing out or taking risks that damaged essential relationships. Do you feel like substance misuse has left you missing important connections with the people in your life? According to the National Institute on Drug Abuse (NIDA), individuals who struggle with addictive behaviors experience disrupted “function in their family lives, at work, and in the community.” During treatment and ongoing recovery, you have the opportunity to regain trust and rebuild bonds with your social groups, friends, peers, and family members who may have grown distant.
How can you reconnect in a healthy way? An essential step is to recognize that your actions have consequences affecting the lives of people you care about and your own recovery. Permit yourself to embrace self-forgiveness and healthy change without making excuses for past actions. Relationships can be challenging, but the benefit of having added support will make it easier to maintain sobriety over time. Good relationships are worth the time and energy it takes to repair them.
Your Past Decisions Affect Treatment and Recovery
Recovering from substance misuse is about more than healing your body. You also need to take action to bridge gaps that may have formed in your relationships with friends and family. Do you have someone who no longer trusts your judgment? The people you care about the most often get hurt the worst by side effects of substance misuse or related conditions. You may have hurt people who tried to help while you actively struggled with addiction. Now you need to find a way to mend that relationship.
Some common ways people address relationship issues is by doing the following:
- Attending family therapy
- Talking honestly in a neutral environment with mediators to keep the conversation on track
- Being available physically and mentally to support them if they are going through a crisis
- Apologizing for past mistakes without making excuses or downplaying the consequences
Relationships with friends and family members who have been affected by your substance misuse can be the most difficult to repair. Do you feel cut off from loved ones? Identifying the hurt you may have caused will give you a direction to focus on while repairing the damage.
For example, if you said something hurtful to someone you love, make it clear to them now that you regret your words and have gotten the help you need to change any unhealthy thought patterns that led to the original outburst. Work every day to become a better person. Show this through your actions and by having difficult conversations to clear the air.
Recognize Your Mistakes
To avoid repeating damaging patterns, you need to learn how to recognize past mistakes. The best way to do that is by talking honestly with the people closest to you. The insights they have to offer can give you an outside perspective on situations and events that you might have been too close to, to see clearly. Once you recognize how you may have hurt people in your life, you can take action to ask for forgiveness or show them that you have chosen to make the tough choices that will lead to you being a healthier and more empathetic person.
If you have difficulty looking back and remembering how you may have hurt your loved ones and friends, ask people around you if they have any insight. Common relationship issues caused or worsened by substance misuse include:
- Making substances and substance misuse a higher priority than spending quality time with your friends and family
- Lashing out in anger, fear, or paranoia when under the influence of substances
- Stealing, blackmailing, or “borrowing” money to pay for illicit substances
Have the Difficult Conversations
It is not always easy to see how you may have hurt someone you love or respect. The best way forward is often clearing the air by having an open and fact-based conversation that avoids blaming, making excuses, or emotional reactions. Find out how they feel hurt by your past actions and actively listen to what they have to say. By having difficult conversations, you allow them to present their point of view, and you will also have a better understanding of what you need to do to regain their trust.
You might feel anxious or scared about broaching the topic. If so, you can script what you would like to say and provide answers to their possible questions. Being prepared will decrease stress and give you a confidence boost. You can get educational resources from recovery programs and meetings in your community. The more information you have to share about the effects of addiction, the easier it will be to get through that part of the conversation. You want to address how addictive behaviors influenced the way you treated the other person without making excuses or downplaying the hurt you may have caused.
Look at Your Actions Objectively
Adopting a healthy mindset that lets you look at events objectively makes it easier to look at past actions and separate the emotions from the behaviors. The consequences of your past actions matter more than your intentions at the time. You may have been hurt, confused, or in pain and lashed out at others to relieve your discomfort. No matter why you did or said certain things, they hurt people you cared about, and you need to learn how to accept that and look at the situation from an objective perspective by doing the following:
- Put aside your emotions when considering the situation.
- Focus on facts only. For example, if you previously stole money from a friend to purchase substances, focus on the fact that you violated their trust and used their money to harm yourself.
- Try to practice neutrality and active listening when talking to the other person. Let them express how your actions made them feel and what they need to heal and move forward.
You Are Not Your Worst Mistakes
You may have done or said things that hurt your loved ones or friends. However, you are not your worst mistake, and today you have an opportunity to show them how you have changed. Sober communities like Real Recovery Sober Living provide a separate space where you can find stability. Joining a community of sober peers is visible proof that you are actively working to heal from the effects of substance misuse. Your friends and family will see that you have chosen to attend treatment, 12-Step meetings, and therapy while living in a space that supports your sobriety.
Anyone who loves you or has your best interest at heart will see that you have chosen to fight back against addiction by making healthier choices and avoiding past mistakes. Sober living facilities and therapy are not cures, but they are tools you can use to rebuild your life.
Rebuilding Vital Relationships With Family
Rebuilding vital relationships with family members comes with high stakes. You may have family members that are open to discussion and reconciliation. The forgiveness and understanding of loving family members can make a massive difference during recovery.
According to the Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration (SAMHSA), “Families should be open to the options of support groups or family therapy and counseling, which can improve treatment effectiveness by supporting the whole family.” You are in a unique position where you can invite your family members to attend meetings or therapy with you. Allow them to see recovery from your point of view. Family reconciliation looks different for everyone, and your family dynamic might make it easier or more challenging to have an honest and open conversation about your past actions and your current recovery goals.
Family might be more willing to accept that you have made fundamental changes when they see you put in the work by attending family therapy or support group meetings alongside you.
Give Them Space and Time
Your friends and family may not be ready to forgive you, and that is okay. Rehabilitation, therapy, and attending 12-Step meetings will not solve all of your problems, and you remain responsible for reaching out and reconciling. Be patient with yourself and others while going through this process during early recovery. Putting unreasonable expectations on yourself or others will only cause added stress and anxiety. Instead, accept that it takes time and effort to reconnect healthily with the people in your life. Be willing to forgive yourself for any roadblocks you encounter along the way.
Accept That Not Everyone Will Be Willing to Forgive
Emotional wounds are painful, and some people in your life might never reach a point where they feel comfortable or able to move forward and reconnect with you. The decision is theirs to make, and learning to accept that it’s outside your control can be challenging but rewarding.
In the 12-Step philosophy, a Higher Power, whatever that means for you, takes over in areas like this where you can only do your part. The other person has to meet you halfway and if that is not something they can do, then give them the dignity of respecting their wishes. For some people, it may take years or decades of you doing the hard work and showing you have made real changes before they are willing to believe it. Relationships are complicated, and being hurt makes it challenging to feel safe trusting again. Be patient with them and yourself.
Do Better Every Day
Every day is an opportunity to avoid making the same mistakes. You have the tools and resources to do better for yourself and your family. Avoid falling back into the old routines and behaviors that caused you to damage your relationships.
Take each day as it comes, and remember to lean on your support system and use the skills you learned in treatment and therapy. Ongoing recovery is about more than sobriety. Even if you lose some close friendships, you will continue growing and discovering new healthy relationships.
Real Recovery Sober Living offers a safe and comfortable space where you can start rebuilding your life one step at a time. Reconnect with the people in your life who mean the most to you by doing the hard work to maintain your sobriety. Get professional help recovering from the effects of substance misuse and involve your loved ones in that process to draw you closer together. Family therapy, group therapy, and support meetings give you a chance to show the people you care about how much you are willing to change. You have what it takes to make healthier choices for yourself and the people who mean the most to you. At Real Recovery Sober Living Tampa, we believe that everyone deserves a second chance. At our facility, you will have access to a community environment that fosters peer support and encouragement. Contact us today to learn more about the services we have to offer by calling (813) 488-5048.
