Patrick Slattery Sober Living April 1, 2023 Becoming your best self is a lifelong process that involves continuous growth and self-improvement. It requires self-awareness, discipline, and resilience. These qualities are especially important during the Initial stages of sober living. Achieving the best version of yourself requires certain practices and habits. The following four habits can help to set you on the right track in discovering the best version of yourself. Be True to Your Word Honesty is an important aspect of recovery. Being honest can help you foster trust and respect between yourself and others. When making a promise to someone, it is imperative to follow through on that commitment. As you live a newly sober life, you’ll want to develop the ability to remain accountable for your actions while establishing a sense of self-worth. Being true to your word is a great way to begin this process. Self-Honesty and Commitment It’s also important to be honest with yourself. Making and fulfilling promises to yourself in recovery, particularly if you have a history of relapse, can be difficult. It is essential to start small when making new commitments to yourself. Create commitments that are easy to keep and then build up from there with more significant commitments. For instance, to become healthier, you may begin with something small like eating healthier snacks. After you’ve achieved that, you can learn to cook healthy meals or commit to a regular exercise plan. This gradual approach helps create a sense of accomplishment and reinforces the belief that you can stay committed. Having Discernment Being honest requires being true to yourself, even when it’s uncomfortable. However, being honest doesn’t mean oversharing or disclosing every detail about your life. Recognize that being truthful does not require you to disclose everything about yourself. It just means you need to address your feelings honestly, while still choosing what to share and with whom. Relationships are best built slowly while testing the level of honesty that is appropriate. Words Have Power Words are extremely powerful tools. They can be used to build us up or tear us down. You can use your words in a powerful way to fuel your success, but you can also use them to create your worst nightmare. Words can be considered spells, casting the outcome of your recovery. It can be a daunting thought, but it’s important to become conscious of the way you think and speak. One idea is to take the time to sit down and think about the words you use in your everyday life. If you’re like many people, you may find that you are respectful and use kind words when speaking to others, but your internal dialogue consistently reminds you of your flaws. This is common in recovery, as people often feel high levels of resentment toward their past selves. Ensure that the words you offer yourself and the world around you are bringing positivity into the world. Don’t Take Anything Personally Another practice that can be used to find your best sober self is to not take anything personally. This principle stems from the understanding that other people’s actions and behaviors do not reflect on you. Others’ actions are reflections of them. If someone does not treat you with kindness, don’t blame yourself. It can be easy to become hurt or insecure when someone’s words or actions trigger painful memories or trigger insecurity within yourself. However, you can start choosing differently. Reminding yourself that their actions reflect on them can help you gain confidence and continue your success, despite the influence of others. Try to develop a thick skin and learn how to detach from others’ opinions and behaviors. Doing this can help you to avoid getting into arguments or confrontations that could lead to relapse. This mindset can also allow you to build emotional resilience and develop a sense of inner peace. Implementing this practice requires recognition that everyone has their perspective, experiences, and emotions. What one person perceives as an insult or criticism, another may view as constructive criticism. Learning to detach from the emotional charge of a situation and view things objectively can help reduce the likelihood of taking things personally. Don’t Make Assumptions Another key practice in becoming your best self is to avoid making assumptions. Assumptions often stem from incomplete information or biased perspectives that can lead to misunderstandings and conflicts. It can be helpful to develop skills in asking clarifying questions to help you to avoid falling into the belief of assumption. This can be incredibly beneficial in improving your communication skills. Oftentimes, we only have a small piece of information about a situation. For example, you may have heard that someone said you were rude. The full story may entail that this individual stated you were quiet and sometimes have a dissatisfied look on your face when you are quiet. Making assumptions often causes us to see the worst in a situation. If we are unsure of what happened, it is best to let it go and move forward and avoid making assumptions about what was actually said or done. Implementing this practice requires active listening and paying close attention to non-verbal cues. Active listening involves paying full attention to what others say, acknowledging their words, and asking clarifying questions if necessary. Observing the facial expressions and body language of others can help you decipher the potential intent behind the statement. When viewing non-verbal cues, it is important to ensure you are not making assumptions, but using them as an indicator of how the person may be feeling. Always Do Your Best This practice may seem obvious, but to be our best selves, we have to always attempt to do our best in our endeavors. This attitude comes from the understanding that the quality of work will determine our level of success. You don’t have to perfectly accomplish something. If you put forth your best effort, you are reaching your best self. Doing your best means putting 100% effort and focus into each task, regardless of the results. It is okay to not always be successful. Use your setbacks as opportunities to learn. Applying this knowledge in the future will help you to consistently improve what your “best” really is. Striving to do your best is important in establishing a sense of self-worth and respect. Putting in earnest effort can help to build your confidence and reinforce the belief that you are capable of success. Along the way, recognize your limits and ask for help when needed. Doing this can be a sign of strength, as you are utilizing your resources to reach your best sense of self. Giving it your all leave no room for self-resentment, as you know you did everything within your power to reach success. Over time, that success will come to you. Effects of Addiction on Self-Esteem Through your addiction, you may find that you have gotten yourself into a cycle of negative thought patterns. These thoughts often lead to feelings of guilt or shame. Often these thoughts are related to your history of substance abuse, and this can further deplete your sense of self-worth. Low self-esteem can play a critical role in hindering your improvement. Developing higher self-esteem by forgiving yourself and being gentle with yourself will help you recover more easily. If you allow yourself to accept your flaws and believe you are capable of improvement, you are already a step ahead. When experiencing negative or self-incriminating emotions, you may start to isolate yourself. Social isolation has the potential to disrupt your support system, leaving you feeling even more alone. You may convince yourself that you are unworthy of love and acceptance, but this is far from true. The physical aspects of addiction also play a role in self-esteem. If you have experienced weight gain, weight loss, skin problems, dental decay, or other physical effects of substance use, you may develop a poor self-image. Despite the physical barriers you are managing, you still can be your best self. It can be easy to get down on yourself with all of these factors going on. Using these suggestions, you can help set yourself up to be your best. Use this opportunity to rebuild your self-esteem and accept yourself unconditionally. Meanwhile, you can commit to taking ever-better care of yourself. Ways to Bolster Self-Esteem It’s not always easy to accept yourself, especially if you haven’t been given that level of acceptance from others in your life. However, you deserve to focus on yourself. This will help you succeed with long-term sobriety more easily. A few ways to start thinking more highly of yourself are to manage your daily life better and allow yourself to be authentic. Prioritize Your Responsibilities When you are in recovery, you will likely have a plethora of responsibilities you need to manage. This can be highly frustrating, especially as you don’t have substances to rely on as a form of coping. In your sober living journey, the responsibilities only begin to grow. You now have to apply everything you have learned through your treatment experience and manage the responsibilities of living on your own outside of that. This can help you provide structure and direction to your goals. One of the best things you can do to help balance this stress is to set your priorities. You likely have a to-do list that is larger than you will ever be able to accomplish. Look at your list of responsibilities and narrow down what is most important to complete. You can’t do everything right now. You can find what matters most in your life today, this week, and this month. For instance, if you have a homework assignment due in two days, but your rent is due today, it is better to pay your rent before working on the assignment. This example may seem obvious, but not all tasks will be that simple to organize. Setting priorities on your responsibilities can help you accomplish the most in a time-efficient manner. As you do this successfully, you will begin feeling better about yourself. If you need help in doing this, don’t be afraid to reach out for support. Be Your Authentic Self It can be easy to get side-tracked by the success of others in recovery. No matter what you are encountering, you have a list of strengths that are unique to you. Let yourself accept yourself for who you are. Each of these recommendations outlined to help you reach your best self requires you to be authentic. To use the four key recommendations outlined in this article, you have to be willing to analyze yourself. This must be done with a realistic and non-biased viewpoint, preventing you from viewing the worst in yourself. Like most people, you may tend to get caught up in the opinions and expectations of others in society. The truth is, if you are happy with yourself, you are winning. Your best self is a version of you that you are happy with. It does not have to make everyone else around you happy. If you comply with your passions and desires, you will be able to spread positivity to those around you and create a healthy atmosphere conducive to long-term sobriety. At Real Recovery Sober Living, not only do we want to help you accomplish a life of sobriety through your sober living experience, but we also want to help you find the best version of yourself. Addiction tends to bring on many negative emotions, which affects our overall self-esteem. Now that you have a baseline in recovery, we hope you can focus on reaching a more positive state of mind. The four key recommendations to help you with this are to be true to your word, don’t take anything personally, don’t make assumptions, and always do your best. To learn more about becoming the best version of yourself, reach out to Real Recovery Sober Living at (727) 290-9156. Men Sober Living - Share on Facebook Share on twitter