Staying Sober While Dealing With Family Over the Holidays

As the holidays approach, you may feel high levels of excitement, fulfillment, anxiety, or a combination of these emotions. Your family has a significant influence on your recovery success. The relationship you have with your family can impact the emotions you feel as the holiday season approaches.

You may find that your family engages in substance use during the holidays, or they may maintain a highly religious focus, expecting everyone to be on their best behavior. Preparing for holiday celebrations can bring about many concerns regarding your sobriety maintenance.

Be yourself and use the skills you have gained through recovery so far to ensure you have a good time while staying sober through this celebration period. Using these tips, you can set yourself up for success this holiday season.

Prepare for Conversation

When you first approach your family to celebrate the holidays, you may realize that this is the first occasion to see them since you began your journey in recovery. Oftentimes, extended family members join together to celebrate. These individuals may not have been involved with your recovery journey and may even be unaware of your current situation.

How do you respond when an extended family member asks what you have been up to? Do you respond with the truth or just give a very broad, non-specific answer?

Answering these questions can often feel like you are put in the spotlight. You may feel flustered and unsure of how to answer such questions. Mentally preparing for these conversations can help you feel prepared to answer these questions in a way that reflects your desired portrayal.

How much you choose to disclose is up to you. If you feel uncomfortable stating that you are in recovery, focus on some other goals you have been working on. Instead, you may choose to tell people that you are focusing on caring for yourself and figuring out how to move forward. These questions can be answered in a broad or specific manner, depending on your desires.

Having a predetermined answer for these conversations can help you feel grounded through your interactions and ensure you do not say anything out of your comfort zone. The holidays are a time that is meant to be enjoyed. Maintain your boundaries to ensure you create a safe environment for you to enjoy the celebration.

Let Go of the Treatment Mindset

Throughout your recovery journey, treatment and your recovery goals are likely key priorities and focus for you. While it is necessary to maintain this focus, it is also okay to step back from it at times to enjoy your life. Ensure you are still adhering to your goals and maintaining sobriety.

Allow yourself to engage in the family bonding and celebrations that are occurring. Step back and have fun for the moment. Recovery does not always have to be a strenuous process. You can let yourself have a day off from some of your usual tasks. However, It is essential to maintain a healthy mindset through periods of celebration.

Healing Relationships

You may fear engaging with family during the holiday season because of an underlying conflict that has failed to resolve. Stepping into these interactions can be stressful for all individuals involved. It may be essential to address the open wounds that need to be healed for everyone to move forward. These potential obstacles may cause a feeling of tension between family members which can disrupt the enjoyment and celebrations of the holidays.

Discuss these relationships with your treatment team and discuss the best ways to address them. At times, these conflicts can be resolved through a simple conversation. Other cases may require more dedication to repair the relationship. Understanding the level of effort that is needed to mend a relationship can be discussed with your team at Real Recovery. These discussions can set you up for success in managing such conversations during the holiday season.

Use Your Skills

Throughout your recovery journey, you have had the opportunity to learn how to communicate with others effectively. You have gained many skills that can apply to the hardships of managing family stressors. Allow your coping skills to be fully utilized during this time. If you experience high levels of frustration or emotions when engaging with your family, try to take a deep breath, step away, and put your coping mechanisms into play.

The coping tools you choose to use can be fully up to your discretion. Experiment beforehand with different tools from your toolbox and pinpoint the skills that work best for you. Have a predetermined plan on how you can use them and allow yourself to take space when necessary to implement them. Stepping out of the room momentarily to meditate or take deep breaths may feel awkward, but this can be a great way to reset your emotions and go back in prepared to have a good time.

Understand Family Relationships

Preparing for dealing with your family over the holidays and maintaining sobriety can be difficult. This is because each family has its perspectives, traditions, interactions, and relationships within them that play into these celebrations. There may be a conflict between you and another family member or between some of your family that you are not involved with. These stressors can potentially lead to negative comments or arguments at family events.

Other families may obtain high expectations for their children or grandchildren or other individuals throughout life. Some family members may expect to hear about your high success levels and don’t want to talk about the idea of recovery. Alternatively, your family may want to ask you about your recovery journey in great detail, leaving you in an uncomfortable position.

There are endless possibilities for family interactions and expectations. Considering your family dynamic beforehand is a great way to mentally prepare for the conversations you will need to have and the potential coping skills you will need to utilize during the celebration. Don’t allow these potentially stressful dynamics to stray you away from engaging in family traditions. Rather use them as a point of preparation and awareness of the potential occurrences that may arise.

Manage Your Schedule

Before engaging in family celebrations over the holidays, it can be easy to begin making a large number of commitments. This may mean bringing assigned dishes to family gatherings or simply ensuring your attendance at the event. At times, there can be back-to-back celebrations that can get overwhelming. Ensure that you do not overbook yourself. Prioritize your obligations and attend to what you feel is most necessary. Allowing yourself to get overbooked can set you into a state of high stress, potentially causing a relapse as a reaction to this stress.

Be Realistic

It can be easy to assume that everything will work out perfectly through the holiday season. Despite your preparation, this is rarely accomplished. There are always factors that come into play, changing plans last minute and adding stress to the holiday season. Creating an expectation that everything will be perfect and run smoothly is often unrealistic. Be aware of the potential stress that may arise, and allow yourself to go with the flow. Keeping realistic expectations is a great way to not get your hopes up too high and risk being disappointed if the celebration does not go as planned.

During the holiday season, gift-giving is also a common way of celebrating. As you are in our sober living home and likely working towards financial independence and success, you may not have a large budget to spend on presents for others. Ensure you are realistic about your spending through the holiday season as well. This also refers to potential dishes and food you choose to bring to celebrate or any other expenses. Being aware of this can help you avoid potential financial stress after the holiday season is over.

Encourage Safe Behaviors

Some families enjoy engaging in substance use or the consumption of alcohol over the holidays as a form of celebration. While this behavior is okay when regulated, it can get out of control for some individuals. As you are working to maintain sobriety over this period, encourage others to do the same with you. Suggest celebration ideas that do not involve drinking. If other members of your family choose to drink, ensure they are making smart decisions about their alcohol or substance use. Discuss the dangers of drunk driving and make sure everyone leaves with a sober driver.

Encouraging these behaviors can be a big change of pace from your previous interactions if you used to engage in these celebrations before recovery. It can be challenging to stay strong on this, but it can also be very rewarding. Only attempt to do this if you feel confident in your ability to maintain sobriety yourself when having these conversations.

Remember Your Support System

You may have family members who are key parts of your support system that you can count on no matter what. You may also have some of your housemates that you tend to talk to when you encounter moments of hardship. When the holidays can get too stressful to manage, remember who your support system consists of.

If a trusted individual is at your family celebration, pull them aside and let them know you are struggling. Confiding in a member of your support system can help you release some of your built-up stress. Your support system is a powerful tool to help you achieve long-term sobriety.

If there is not anyone you feel comfortable discussing your stress with in attendance at your family celebrations, call a friend that you trust. Have a conversation with them and let them know what you are feeling. Oftentimes, a short conversation is enough to let your emotions out and have a momentary reset, allowing you to go back in and enjoy the celebration again. Remember that you do not have to go through these stressors on your own. Each moment you make it through difficulties and maintain your sobriety should feel like an accomplishment. Allow yourself to be proud of your victories and receive validation for these efforts.

Dealing with family stressors over the holiday season can be extremely difficult. Each family has a different dynamic and may have different stress factors that arise during holiday celebrations. Preparing conversations beforehand, letting go of the treatment mindset, using your coping skills, understanding potential conflicts within your family dynamic, managing your schedule, keeping realistic expectations, encouraging safe behaviors in others, and remembering your support systems are all great ways to manage your stress and sobriety over the holiday season. Remember, this is a time for celebration. You have the skills to manage the potential stress and have fun through the season; you just need the confidence to do so. To learn more, contact Real Recovery Sober Living at (727) 290-9156.